Monday, November 28, 2022

Dancing 🕺 like a teenager and managing male attention at Royal Clarence




 good morning gorgeous people of the internet welcome to Royal Clarence Marina and it's pouring with rain of course it is but I go now I go to mum's every Sunday for Sunday dinner so kind of supper uh elderly people start to eat really early don't they where you know I may have when I was younger and left my own devices I'll sort of eat about six or seven maybe but it seems to be that the older you get the earlier you eat so mum likes to eat at 5 30 and that's just what we do so on a Thursday and a Sunday when I go to my mum's house I have an early supper anyway I worry always about the wind and rain in British Winters it's quite excessive you know and it can actually blow you off your bike and on those days I sometimes cycle on the pavement um was a bit cheeky but there's never anyone walking around here when you know when that's going on that sort of weather condition um so I bought myself these kind of I think they may be skiing trousers they're lined and they've got an elasticated ankle and they're so warm and that you put them on and do them up with a zip and then they've got braces so I think they may be skiing things or snowboarding they're quite trendy so I bought those the other day and I wore them and they're absolutely fantastic there's nothing worse than being cold on your busy [ __ ] so I like to get quite warm and snuggly the days of me suffering are well and truly gone I remember previously in my previous incarnation cycling in Winkle Pickers healed Winkle Pickers and one time I was cycling in a hat like a trilby hat I had on and it was quite windy and so I was sort of bending my head and I crashed into a car stationary fortunately but you know those days are over now that day I had Winkle Pickers on I mean can you imagine Winkle Pickers and trilby hat and now that I value my knife so greatly because I'm an old lady I I'm more vulnerable to you know if you fall when you're 60 it is not going to be anything like if you fall when you're 18 18 year olds bounce but a 60 year olds don't we crack um so yeah those days uh have gone there's Carefree days of risking my physical being are well past anyway what else well I I had a fantastic uh time on Friday at the club with mum and I had quite a lot of wine so yesterday did I find now I mean I can only drink once a week if that yeah quite often I don't drink at all but the next day because of my special high protein diet and my yogurt I drink about five or six hundred grams of yogurt eat about that much each day um mostly to keep my protein up but for other reasons well it really settles my tummy um Greek no fat a proper Greek the you know double strained don't go for the fake stuff which says Greek style that's rubbish you need proper proper Greek and but I'm I'm absolutely convinced that that's why I don't wake up with a headache or anything so I woke up after the club night um I was home by nine I think eight or nine maybe earlier actually you probably earlier it was probably about seven I mean you know I the gone of the day is when I'm out for night after night after night and um I do find though that I I'm quite lazy do you know what I mean so yesterday I was lazy in terms of sort of housework which means today I've got to catch up but I was on it this morning I was up with the the dawn birds and um straight in there cleaning the literature and you know hoovering or goodness knows who who visits at 8 30 in the morning it's terribly early and I'm doing all that stuff and I it's quite refreshing while the kettle's on just to have a spurt an outburst of uh cleaning Mania so I really enjoyed it there's still more to do but I found all these hair ties because I've got very very long hair and I have to tie it up a lot but I lose these hair ties constantly I've already found four and I'm only partially through the apartment so lots more to do today um but yesterday I say I didn't do anything energetic what I did do was edit three dance tracks and make the the covers for the singles so I actually was really busy yesterday and got loads done it feels really really good to be so accomplished and so today I'm going to do another couple which I'll do in a minute um and then get on with some more housework and also guys I've started doing this um kitchen sink I call it the kitchen sink exercise program and it's so good that I may actually start the 360 videos again um but I'll put them on on my other channel you know I just I I don't want people looking at my body and just thinking you know they want to abuse it I hate that there's something about um the male gaze that you know they're never watching you thinking I'd really like to have um a egalitarian constructive intellectual relationship with you they're not thinking that they think they're all they think is that they want to defile you you have to trust me on this and I I don't want to be defiled at the moment at this particular moment in my life when I was younger I was quite into it um and not in a kinky way or anything but I didn't mind being defiled and I'd walk around being trying to be a kettish bunny rabbit for men's pleasure um but I've always been very strong inside and it was quite difficult to um sort of you know have the balance really I mean if you're going to walk around looking like a kittish bunny rabbit you're going to have men who want to come along and control you and have their pleasure by defiling you in a dominant fashion and then if you go the other way which of course when I was the dominatrix performance artist um I had a lot of experience of being the other way where men you know they there was still disempowering you but this time they wanted you to um you know flagellate flagellate can you flagellate someone else I don't think you can can you you're gonna do that to yourself they wanted me to you know be violent towards them and you know with my whips and what have you and uh stamp on their backs in my in my leather catsuit and and that was just as annoying actually but fortunately as an artwork because I am an artwork Darlings I am only an artwork I am nothing else nothing other I'm not even a human I'm a performance art piece I server learn so um that kind of pissed me off as well excuse my French but you know um all of that I I've sort of got to that stage in my life I think where I almost don't want to be viewed um but it's a phase because uh in a in a few weeks I'll feel that I want to be viewed um I think you know ideally one wants to be viewed by who one chooses and the problem with the Internet is you you are unable to choose who's looking at you so I've privatized a couple of um Instagram or maybe one of my Instagram accounts and and that will be it'll be my choice who a little bit sort of I mean you can never be sure can you because you know everybody's fake online aren't they all of us you know even the most are honorary people have an online Persona that's what they do so one can never be sure anyway I'm not in the mood for it at this current time I'm in the mood for creating dance music and after my wine the other day Friday after my wine I came home and I always get really involved in expressive dance on my own and and I I think I'm going to make this really fantastic video because look at the way I move and I'm I'm doing all this you know I mix a bit of ballet with a bit of um you know break dancing but actually just on my bed I'm not actually on the floor you know cavorting but I imagine in my drunken way that I'm cavorting and doing all these things and I just think God that'll look amazing if I put that through my Ai and turn myself into something and well I server land the the artificial robot version of I serve learn um and then of course you wake up you know it's dangerous bloody hurt all over but this is why I serve learn is not going to be a real person eye serverlan is a figment of my imagination but also uh she's created by the machine and the Machine is the subject of my book and the Machine is the subject of a lot of songs that I've been writing the machine is an intellectual entity who is controlling all of us all of us what is the machine the machine is is made up of many different things but they're mechanical and it they're not really driven by humans they're driven actually they're driven by other things more to do with politics religion um War and Peace and of course the big big evil capitalism The Big C the machine is driven by capitalism and the Machine has taken us all over I'm compelled to write another song about that today but I will be doing a dance track today the machine took you and now it's come for me that's my line so I'm very excited about that so that's it I've talked enough have I not it was absolutely spellbinding to know that you were here listening to me um and I'll be back tomorrow I think uh yeah tomorrow maybe with my new track should I do that that's a good idea isn't it anyway you can follow me on Instagram as I am so I've learned I serve learn snob value I think that might be private but you know what if you friend request me I'm I'm going to have a look at your online presence on Instagram and I'm going to decide if I think you're a weirdo and add you no other way around of course um but I'm going to look at your profile it's all dependent on the profile pic um so if you're like looking really really not not of um suitable appropriateness I won't allow you to follow me there but you can follow my public ones of course you can and uh what else am I on Facebook I tried to close all my Facebooks down my pages but they wouldn't let me so I thought well at least if you're if you're still there and putting up your own material that's better than not being able to invest in it and it being there anyway so although I Facebook is so Naf isn't it it really is very now if I try not to go on there very much um and then of course this is my website which I've neglected greatly over the past few days but it's coming along nicely so that's telltalecraft.com so there we go I'm really really busy um doing fabulous wonderful things not busy doing nothing but busy doing something and I'll tell you all about it tomorrow