Saturday, January 14, 2023

Cold Turkey, life after 60, Alexa Madness and other ramblings with iServalan

 hello gorgeous people welcome to a sunny day here at Royal Clarence Marina I'm actually quite excited because I've I've 24 hours clean of my prescription drugs my amitriptyline now they gave me amitriptyline for headaches and I've been getting headaches I I just saw what's the point in taking something if they're not stopping the reason you know the the problem that you were taking them for plus they don't they don't encourage you to learn how to sleep so I've been investigating sleep hygiene and the idea of sleep hygiene is that you have a regular system you know a sort of timetable of things that you'd do to come down from the excitement of the day and not do stimulating things and relax a little bit and and sort of fool your body what does it fool it it tells it that it's it's now time to sleep you can do this with bowel movements as well now I've just released a bowel Health hypnotism self-hypnosis thing with my with my wife recordings using cello vibrations to encourage well to try and stop incontinence that's that's what it's the theory is so I was also you know as part of that investigating the problems with the gut and regularity now my my life is so irregular in in so many ways and I think part of it's been because of the medication because medication is is very unreliable I forget to take it at the same time every day for example which I I mean I had I had two children doing that I forgot to take my pill I was on this mini pill thing and I was very fertile it was ridiculous to put me on those and I basically I've got I wouldn't remember I was supposed to take it midday every day and of course you know I'd be at work I've forgotten no more you know whatever whatever so my life is very irregular anyway my mind is very irregular so unless there's a nurse coming in and injecting you at this this you know eight o'clock in the morning at the June Care Homes it really wasn't going to happen like that but there are other things with um narcotics you know prescription drugs the side effects are usually as problematic as the initial issue that you were taking them for so I was taking up amitriptium for neck pain and I've now realized that my neck pain is simply to do with the way that I conduct my life so sitting in the same position and playing too much cello and playing the piano the piano is terrible for my neck pain absolutely bloody awful I'm telling you um there's nothing to do with I mean obviously it is to do with arthritis it means you can't it's you know it's just what it's actually to do with this is 40 years of being bent over and now the bones are getting old and I'm starting to feel it so nothing to do with um drug you know the drug isn't going to solve the problem well it's going to solve the problem is if I go to the Bahamas and um drink cocktails or even mocktails would help in the sun each day and have zero stress and don't have to touch a computer and that's that's not going to happen but out taking it drugs isn't going to stop that you know it's any amount of painkillers isn't going to stop that this is a problem with painkillers then I started getting these really bad migraines um and I have this Aura and they've started to come back again over the last sort of couple of weeks the minor headaches and then I've had about two auras this week one with a headache so I had to take a migraine tablet and I mean I was knocked out for days I was so groggy I said now I've got to get a grip on my bloody life you know there's there's going to be a time when I'm in my 80s and 90s where I will have to take probably more prescription drugs for things you know obviously things start to go very wrong don't they 've really fall apart but I'm only 60. nothing's really Fallen apart yet not not visibly I mean it's a bit saggy and what have you but it's not it's still very structurally sound so you know I thought why am I taking all these pills when they're not really doing anything but there were some other things as well um to do with that sort of you know the grogginess that you have for hours and you can't really function until midday because they're sedatives and and you know you're half asleep for half a day I thought I don't really want that and I was getting used to it and I thought this is my life I thought no it's not my life is it it's not our lives so I went to cold turkey yesterday so I've been taking two a days it's not that many it's 50 milligrams um a terrible night's sleep absolutely appalling which is a terrible shame because I do like I like a sedative don't get me wrong it's lovely proper sedative Bonk gone no worries you don't do the Tossy turny thing because I'm getting you know anxious about my new business I've got to launch this bra I've got to stop hobnobbing going about and going up to London and things I've got people to see I'm trying to get some um some backing trying to get some medical support you know all these things it's um you know these are the worry things that keep you awake at night and I love the idea that you can just shut your brain off with a with a tablet I mean it's what um it's what we do with drink and drugs isn't it illegal drugs it's shut things off um and what most of us are guilty of using a glass of wine to do that so I I just really started depending very very heavily on it anyway sleep hygiene let's get back to that so I was at mum's yesterday and my brother had suggested a book he's got which is I can't remember what it's called but it said it's a mix of uh Roman times and um today so two stories combined I'll tell you about it she's going to lend me that and Mum was telling me about another book that she had um which which she thought I'd really really like because I'm a bit fussy and I very rarely read fiction I read an awful lot of non-fiction obviously you know when you go to UNI you do don't you and I've been to UNI a few times so we're sort of used to that I quite like that in terms of research so what we all do now on the internet you know I mean the internet the one good thing about the internet I think is that it does enable people to read kids you know quite young learn very very quickly to read some sort of language I think that's quite cool actually I think it's a really a really positive thing about the internet as long as they're you know obviously looking at pictures is a bit of a negative but you know look memes just reading memes stuff like that I remember the first word my son read was Asda because we were we'd go to Asda every day you know to buy provisions and then he'd see as the written somewhere and he'd say oh Asta you know and he was a toddler I mean this this is what is really good about written lettering communication so anyway I also have an Alexa and I have Prime I thought well that means I can get music on my on my Alexa so I was talking to Alexa and I said play Telltale club music and she couldn't understand it and stupidly I thought well if I change her to a man maybe they'll understand it not realizing that the voice has nothing to do with the the um the understanding behind it do you see what I mean but I thought well I'll change it anyway because she was in she's really getting on my nerves because she just kept saying I don't understand that and I she started to get on my nerves it's really annoying I've had this Alexa for about two years and I don't use it I sometimes use it when I'm drunk because it seems to understand me better when I've had a drink anyway I changed it to a man and I asked it a question I can't remember what the question was and he started doing a rap and I wanted a butler you know I wanted an English butler who would like staff he really wasn't playing ball anyway I thought right sleep hygiene so I asked my Alexa to read me a story and it started off with some story that was for kids it was like the famous five or something so I I couldn't you can't ask it for adult stuff can you because we all know what adult means so I was seeing a podcast an audio podcast now look I do podcasts for a living and I I upload stories for a living and you know we're doing Middle March at the moment and Alice in Wonderland and I thought I just want to listen to something like Middle March what do you have to sign up to Audible and it wouldn't give me any other thing other than bloody Audible and I just wanted to listen to one of my own podcasts I mean it was Bonkers really bonkers so I got really hacked off with that um and just told it to shut up I mean it does respond if you tell it to shut up it's quite good for that um and then I picked up this one book on on one of the shelves mum's mum lives in this communal area or has a common area rather sort of foyer and she's given loads of her paperbacks to there there's a sort of chair and a bookshelf and people put their books there and they've read them and I could tell which ones were mothers they were all uh Martina Cole and James some that Robert James or something like that who's from Brighton and she likes a detective story mum and she loves a bit of a gangster Edge and things like that but I don't I'm not sure that she actually reads I think I think she skim reads um and that's her go-to to get her to sleep because she'll do that for hours you know because she's a non-sleeper like I am so anyway I thought oh God I don't want to read in your mum's books they'll be rubbish bless you know I'm not criticizing we're storytelling is a you know we all have a different idea about good storytelling but I know my mum's it doesn't coincide with mine and uh though anyways one called the Borgia so I started reading I brought that one home I thought well it sounds I mean initially I didn't have my glass on I thought it said bourgeoisie I thought oh I like that but it was a Borgia I mean I could see that and there was a knife on the front I thought oh well I'll maybe I'll try that so I tried that I got through one and a half pages of the most boring trite but it's boring because I I can't engage it's my fault I realize it's not the writer's fault of course it's not it's my fault I need to learn how to engage with a book so I don't know how to do that because I I can't shut the brain off do you see it it's still too active so my sleep hygiene went very appallingly and I couldn't get to sleep and then I woke up about five times and I've no idea why no idea why but I presume it's something to do with the cold turkey so I but I woke up this morning I woke up early I got up I felt invigorated I felt clear there was Clarity the the sun was coming in that helped obviously um I've I'm all ready to do my plank now I've only had one coffee I didn't need three coffees to get me to get me going because I haven't had the drugs so so far so good guys I mean let's see how we get on tonight tonight's the big tell it's wine day we're going to the club so I'll have a couple of wines and it'll be interesting to see how that works because and that's just my GoPro getting ready for my um I'm going to film in a minute the planking challenge um so yeah so be interesting to see because normally after one wine I feel really groggy almost as if you know somebody's giving me chloroform or something that's how I feel and it's not particularly Pleasant although I always sleep well on a Friday but then I'm drugged up you see I'm taking I'm taking all these amitriptyline and alcohol and you know that's that's really drugged up but I love just I love to pretend that I can sleep even you know even if I can't so I'm I'm sort of borderline success rate successful today I I feel great even though I've hardly slept and the big reason I wanted to stop was this dry mouth side effect from the amitriptyline which was waking me in the night so dry that you know I could hardly breathe it absolutely vile sensation um so and I don't today my mouth is really watery I mean I'll probably start dribbling later because I'm not used to it so it's really interesting all these different things so cold turkey day 24 hours in um no it's more than 24 hours isn't it it's about it's it's about 36 I think um I'm really excited I'm really really excited but I do need to work out how I can get audio books on my Alexa so that I can just start where I left off when I fell asleep the night before I don't think it's possible actually is it so do you know what I might do I might have a podcast I've saved your note oh my god did you hear that that was my that was my Alexa saving my note because I I was talking about it oh see how annoying he is very annoying one day Darlings I will have an Android and I I want to be rich enough to be able to buy one of the first male robots that just walks about the house and tends to me but if he's anything as annoying as Alexa I'm not I won't enjoy him so he needs to be an improvement on this thing that I have by my full poster um anyway I'll I'll be working out today how I can arrange a podcast series that I'm going to listen to and I can just press something on my phone and I mean I don't have the problem is I don't have a a microphone for my phone do you see what I mean and will it not get really hot if it's just playing all night all these things I don't understand I don't I don't really because I haven't used the facility and I'm not signing up to audible when I've got a perfectly fantastic website myself and a podcast reading stories why would I sign up to audible mine are free my stories are free for you too for the world um so yesterday I did set up Telltale kids by the way so we were also doing kids stories now um which is really nice so you know a lovely lovely sense today of achievement that um I'm I'm making it's trying to make a sort of new health regime for myself so it are off to Plank and that's going to be I did a plank yesterday in my bathroom don't have a film in a black room I put so much bloody Lighting in there and though you couldn't you still couldn't see my face you couldn't see anything it was Grim so I'm going to do it again today in the music room so put a nice blanket on the on the floor and I'm just hoping there won't be too many cat hairs around and I'm going to go and do that now so the planking challenge is part of my sleep a hygiene thing you need to be exercising some a certain amount each day and you know you're to get your heart going and all these sort of things so we're going to do a little warm-up and then my plank I did a minute yesterday but I had to do it three times because of the bloody lighting darling it's honestly it was terrible but today I'll just try and do a minute and a half or something in in one go and um hopefully in eight weeks time when I launched the bra I'll I'll be a little bit fitter and I can do a little bit of modeling but I have ordered my breasts so my latex breasts should be delivered today but they're being delivered at mums because the prospect of Hermes getting it wrong and delivering it to my neighbor here there are 75 people people in this block 75 Flats and and my neighbor opening it and finding latex breasts was so horrific but I thought well if it happens to mum she can just say oh they're they're for Sonia and everyone would just not oh yes we know what she's like but I just couldn't risk having them delivered here but I have Prime So and I've also ordered some orange ink so I'm going to do I'm going to do a tattoo and what I think I might do I might do one with a machine and one with my poke and time them both film them both compare them both do them next to each other on my personage um also for my for my YouTube channel so 60 Summers is up and running so new year new life new health regime new bra new SMP tattooing business I mean I've got a lot on I've got a lot on haven't I um but but I you know you're all going to be part of it it's going to be wonderful but later on by about March April I really want to start being a bit more creative because I'm not feeling particularly creative although I've just released a song of course and I do draw every day I don't know why I'm do you know why I'm not feeling creative Darlings it's because when you have to do things like you have to do your Tick Tock and you have to do your YouTube you you automatically have to think about your audience and the audience unfortunately on the Internet isn't very creative there's a lot of low-hanging fruit and to get hits you need to scoop up the low-hanging fruit as well as the the highfaluting you know the fruit that I have at the top of the trees um and they're different they're a different breed and what you have to do for the internet is is really the lowest common denominator and that's that's quite hard um and obviously I try with my with my music podcasts to be a little bit more intellectual and a little bit more creative but it doesn't get it doesn't get you know it doesn't get you hits Darlings you know it doesn't get a hundred views in an hour you know to get 100 views in an hour I have to do uncreative things which rather depresses me actually anyway I've really waffled an awful lot I feel like I'm on speed or something today and that's just because I'm doing this cold turkey thing so um join me tomorrow anyway and I'll tell you what it's like 48 hours in of cold turkey and I'll tell you if I'm enjoying my new latex breasts don't worry I will be filming them they've got nipples so I won't be able to show those on uh on air I'll tell you what else I'm going to do just quickly though I will be tattooing nipples because that's part of my of the thing I offer now cosmetic tattooing um so I'm going to be doing those live on on my 60 Summers Channel as well um because you know we we have to at some point um you know cross this bridge of what's medical and what's sexual and what's permissible and what isn't um and I I realize it's difficult for Google and all its robotic computerization to understand the difference and you can never understand the difference that a person is going to you know I you could easily see for example that I'd be tattooing on a piece of latex a nipple um and some some you know somebody somewhere in the world getting off on it that is possible so so what I'll have to do is I'll have to make these private or unlisted but you'll be able to see them on my website so it'll be just done a little bit differently okay um right I'm going I'm going to go and do my planking so see you on my 60 Summers um YouTube channel in about five minutes